A crash, a life saved, a life found: Using your own personal trauma to change the world

December 14, 2011By 21 Comments

It was Thanksgiving night 1983 and while I had no idea at that moment, my world was about to come (almost) crashing down around me.

The night before had been classic early-20’s folks Thanksgiving Eve stuff: bars in Boston; friends home to visit; lots of partying. So much, in fact, that at Thanksgiving dinner at my grandfather’s house, I’d stuck to the apple cider rather than wine (and been teased about it by my gabillion cousins).

Now I was on my way out again. I’d swung by home to sneak on a really cute new sweater my sister had just bought (sorry ‘bout it, Erin), and was on my way through my small town to pick up my cousin Judy for a night on the town.

It was raining.

 “Good Love,” by the Rascals was in my cassette deck and I was singing it out loud the way my best friend Maura and I used to like to sing it. “Hood-lums! Well you got to have lums! Hood-lums!” I was happy.

Out of the corner of my eye, to my left, I saw headlights approaching on a tiny cross street. Something made me notice them. But I knew there was a stop sign there, so I kept on going along and singing. Of course they’d stop.

Only they didn’t. And in the time it took to register that the car to my left wasn’t doing what it should, we crashed. Hard.

I slammed into the steering wheel and then partway through the windshield (Yep. Stupid. No seatbelt). My car spun and spun. I knew something really bad had happened.

But as I was slammed violently around, something strange came over me.

Peace.

Because as it all went down, I just got this incredible vision: I was supposed to live. And live for good reason.

The rest of the story is long and scary. The driver of the other car was intoxicated. Her sister died at the scene. We were in the dark and all alone for what seemed like forever as I bled and screamed for help (pounding my hand through the broken windshield and tearing the skin off that too); listening as the people in the other car moaned and screamed. Finally, someone came along (ironically, my sister had passed by but since I had a new car did not realize it was me, and rushed home to call 911 to report the crash).

I cracked a joke in the ambulance. As the EMT lifted my skirt to look for breaks in my legs, I remember saying, through the blood dripping from my rather massive head injury, ‘Okay . . . but I’m usually not this easy.”

I woke up the next day to a new life. My face was a mess. My body was cracked and broken and bruised and hurt. But my heart: I don’t know how to explain it except to say: it was pouring rain outside my hospital window, but the sky never looked more beautiful.

I knew, immediately, I was supposed to do something. Give back. Have thanks. And so, months later when I was recovered and back to living my life, I reached out to the American Cancer Society and began donating my time and raising money. Of course we all know I shifted my charity of choice when my daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in 1997.

I tell this story for a reason:

Being diagnosed with Type 1 – or having a loved on or child with Type 1 – is a trauma. It’s like crashing through a windshield. It’s like seeing your life flash before your eyes. And while the impact time is actually quite a bit longer than even a horrific car crash, over time, it can be a place to reflect. To hear a calling. To take action.

More and more, I notice that the folks called to this world of diabetes advocacy are some of the bravest people I know. They’ve spent time scared and worried. They’ve stressed over learning complicated medical equations that medical students might fret over. They’ve struggled to come to terms with their own body – or the body of one they love – becoming a battleplace.

But just like I did in that crash, over time, they come to hear a calling.

Like my friend Diane. She’s a single mom of four, a southerner transplanted to Bohh-stun of all places, and mom of a little boy with Type 1. She spent her time healing (and really – we are forever healing with this disease along) and then she brushed herself off, looked around, and created the Blue Heel Society. Talk about styling.

And my friend Allison. Diagnosed as a child herself, she somehow came out of the reeling of adjusting to life with diabetes to become one of the first on-line diabetes advocates. Her work lives on now at lemonade life and diabetesmine.

I could go on and on. Every time I meet a group of folks connected to Type 1, I think about the trauma they’ve faced and the good they are pulling out of it.

And I think that’s a lesson to the whole world.

I can remember – after my crash – when little things that might seem big to others would happen in life. (Like . ..  having to take out a loan last minute to pay for my wedding. Or, having a house we fell in love with and put an offer on fall through. Or something at work going crazy wrong). When those things would happen, I’d almost feel like my crash had been a gift.

The gift of knowing what matters. The gift of realizing your time is valuable. The gift of understanding that by giving in life, we get back way, way more.

Eight months later -- healed and living a more giving life. (And gosh, how old WAS Sean when we married? 12??)

For now, my daughter will always have diabetes, and that’s a constant reminder to me to stay strong and keep helping. (Even when — I admit here — sometimes I wish we could just be done with it all).

But here’s another thing: Because of the impact to my face, shards of glass have worked their way out of my bloodstream for years, decades even. I’d suddenly get a black eye and I’d know: another piece of glass was coming out.

Two weeks ago, on a cranky day, I noticed a bump above my left eye. I touched it and knew what it was: a tiny piece of glass that had been in me since Nov. 23, 1983 at 7:05 p.m.

It’s working its way out. And reminding me: it is our actions after the trauma that define who we are.

I challenge you to take your own personal trauma, diabetes-related or otherwise, and turn it into good.

It’s an awesome feeling.

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Comments (21)

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  1. Great post, Moira. Thank you!

  2. Wow. Powerful, powerful post. Thanks for sharing this story, Moira.

  3. Jorie says:

    Great post, Moira. Thank you. I agree that the impact of giving and “making a difference” does seem to take on a new meaning when what we are striving for is a cause that has chosen us rather than the other way around. Good stuff, friend!

  4. Kathryn Chipman says:

    Great story Moira. My own car accident in 1978 was also a life changing experience. I slowed down a bit, got involved with special needs kids, and (according to my mother) became a kinder, more giving person.

  5. Katie says:

    I lost an old high school boyfriend to just this sort of crash. Except when he went through the windshield it killed him. I am so thankful you lived, for many reasons.

    And, yeah, Diane’s Blue Heel society kicks! ;-)

    Great column. What matters, what really matters in life = many do not learn that, ever.

  6. Ardy says:

    Powerful story indeed, it has certainly made me pause to thank God for the blessings in life and not simply dwell on the negative.
    Thanks for sharing it.

  7. lauren says:

    This was an amazing post. Thank you for sharing.

  8. Rachael says:

    Wow so powerful.. Thank you for sharing.. I often catch myself only sharing something negative time to take a step back… and look at the postives in my life…

  9. Paula says:

    Great post, Moira. Thank you for taking the time to put it into words.

  10. maura says:

    I will never forget that night Moira. Scary to think you could have been that unfortunate woman, or that we might not have your contributions–or your wonderful friendship!! HOOD LUM!

  11. krisfitz says:

    Thanks for the moment of pause during the day – and for introducing me to the Blue Heel society! Yet more amazing people touched by T1.

  12. Charles Wallis says:

    Thank you for sharing your story.

  13. JaniRae says:

    This was wonderful, thank you!!! Thank you for all you do for our kids who live with type 1!!!

  14. Ida Raduc says:

    Moira ~ you are an inspiring woman! Thank you for sharing this true story about how you continue to heal and help others!

  15. Tara says:

    Wow! Wow. I am sitting here with tears- what a powerful message- you are amazing and I look forward to your inspiration and reminders that this disease not control us, we control IT! Thank you for sharing your story :)

  16. Cara says:

    Beautiful post. I often think diabetes came to me for a reason. Perhaps to make me more responsible. Perhaps to bring some amazing people into my life. Perhaps so I could help someone and be more compassionate. I don’t know. But I do know that living my entire life (minus the first 4 years) with diabets has made me in large part who I am today. We have a purpose. We don’t always know it and some people never realize it. But it’s there. And we’re all still breathing for a reason.

  17. marinda says:

    To my sister “double M”…I sure don’t like diabetes, but I am so thankful that it made us friends:) Merry Merry to all of you! Thanks for your touching story.

  18. Vanessa says:

    Thanks for shedding light on the much bigger picture. May a cure come soon! So thankful for what this disease has taught me, but I would be just at thankful for it to go away and never affect another family!

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